stream of consciousness: when I was gone

I remember becoming a monster and I’m sorry staring into mirrors until my pores gaped at me like eyes emptily built into the sheet that makes up my skin filled with nothing that I could get out though I tried I remember laying still and listening to the days change crickets turning to birds turning […]

I can feel things crippling before they start the way that I cry before the things that cause crying in an effort to stay composed during them to find I just look cold the way that showers turn into sessions of gasping for the wrong reasons of swallowing soap without meaning to when it mixes […]

Keeping busy. (Found in a journal from last May.)

It’s generally good to keep busy, because people get less worried. In the end, though, depressed is still depressed, and there’s only so much to do, which usually comes down to deciding between waiting it out or some sort of therapy. I’m generally the sort who lays low, rides it out, because I know that whether […]

Handling it.

I learned to handle my sorrow by occupying myself with other things; schedules, beauty, activity, friends. It’s gotten me through the first part of my life, but I find now that I can’t reconcile my feelings with my surroundings. They’ve grown so separate in my mind that they no longer affect one another. I can pay attention to just […]

And happiness is like any other emotion; not a state of being.

Taking pleasure in what is easily overlooked – waking up early, cooking good food, exploring your city’s rivers on foot without speech or distraction, believing in the inherent goodness of your fellow man  – is to cultivate contentment when happiness comes hard.  There is a well of joy that has always been accessible; one can find it in the aesthetics of a flower, the […]