homesickness for [those who feel trapped] [those who do not like their hometown] [those who want] [to get out]

home is within you
or home is nowhere at all

and I learned this quickly
built into an upbringing on two coasts
the Atlantic
the Great Lakes
and the softened mountains in between

these parts of this land are older than all of us
they have been here
longer than my matriarchs of 95 and 92
longer than their matriarchs who I had the opportunity
to meet when I was very small

the ones I hold dear are so many
but so many of them have experienced one place
they get to know its flaws
they get to building lists
of where to go, what to do, who to be

somewhere else

but location

is a relative thing
it can be something to be excited about,
tired with,
sad over

it can become intrinsically linked with misery in ways we can’t even fully understand
I do not enjoy being on the road I lived
when I was taken
by force
where I was stored
against what I wanted
by someone I loved

that road houses a school and a park

safe places

but I know where my pain began
and I can see it posed against the backdrop
of the house we lived
the deck we shared
the yard where we brought our friends

if the opportunity to leave is not presented
if place is hand-in-hand with pain

I understand the friends who want desperately
to leave

I just want them to be able
to find something more than pain

in their new home

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2 thoughts on “homesickness for [those who feel trapped] [those who do not like their hometown] [those who want] [to get out]

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